Before I begin, I want to say "I'm sorry if these questions anger you."  Seriously, that is not my intent.  There is no desire within me to walk upon anybody for their beliefs and/or lack thereof.  However, as a seeker, I am seeking answers.  As some who know me may be aware, I've looked into several belief systems over the course of my own life, and more recently a particular path has shown me some very strong truths (although no path has shown itself to be the "one and only path," or even the right path for just me, yet).

Before I took into account several things to reconsider what I believed enough to realize I don't really know, I used to be a Christian.  I studied the Bible.  Still, today, I think there is a TON of wisdom to be found within it.  However, there have always been problems that I've had with some parts.  Problems I still have no answers to.  These questions are me asking others what they feel about a couple particular things.

First, there's the problem of evil.  According to Christian dogma, God is good.  Not just good, but the ultimate good.  In fact, the Bible states that God is Love.  Not that God loves, but that God IS Love.  (Capital L, even, suggesting that God isn't just love, but is the ultimate love.)

In addition to being Love and Good, God is, according to Christian dogma, omniscient.  This means God knows everything.  Past, present, future, what might've been, what will be, you name it, God knows it.  Beyond that, God is omnipotent.  That means God has unlimited power, perhaps limited only by the laws of nature, or perhaps with no limits whatsoever, depending on what one believes.  (Traditionally, Christian dogma would say God created nature, and therefore is not limited by it.)

So, my first question arises:  If God is Good and Love (and all the things that implies), in addition to being omniscient (and therefore knowing every good and bad thing that would happen or might happen), and is also omnipotent (and therefore can do ANYTHING), why does God allow evil?  Since evil is an abstract, I will here define it as pain, suffering, death, destruction, chaos.

Please, don't use arguments suggesting the value of pain (i.e. how can you embrace a smile without first knowing a tear), as if God is omnipotent, then surely God can work without requiring pain.

Also, please don't use "Satan is the source of evil," as your arguments, because knowing all things, God created Satan, so therefore by extension God created evil.

Again, this is not to anger people, and I'm sorry for those it might, but I've struggled with these ideas for years.  In fact, the only reasonable answers I've found are either a.) God is not the ultimate Good, or b.) God is not omnipotent and omniscient.  Hence, my personal belief at this moment is that the Christian God cannot exist.

Should this be answered, another issue I've noted is the historical accuracy (or, rather, lack thereof) of the Gospels.  For a random example, consider Luke 2:1-7, where everybody was supposedly sent to return to their ancestral homes for a census.  As per the story, Joseph's ancestor was David, so he returned to Bethlehem.  Mind you, David predates Joseph by 1,000 years.  Ever hear of a census requiring everybody to go to where their ancestors of 1,000 years lived?  Me neither.  In fact, I'd be pretty willing to bet that even with today's technology and information available, most people wouldn't even know where their ancestors of 1,000 years lived within a hundred mile radius.  Yet the author of Luke expects us to believe people did 2,000 years ago.

Anyhow, those are my questions for the Christians.  If you don't have answers, that's okay.  I'm not asking you to prove anything to me.  Don't get me wrong: answers would be nice, but they are not necessary.  If you, like me, do not have answers, perhaps pondering the questions, giving it some study and research, and considering if there might be more than just what you've known so far might be a good idea.

Again, I'm sorry for any toes I've stepped on.  Not my intention, honest.  This is just me seeking answers in my own way.

I've been a mac user for a few years now.  Before I begin, let's look at my experience with computers prior to this, to get an idea where I come from:

DOS -  Remember those command prompt days?
Windows 3.1 - This was my first experience really learning how to use a computer
Windows 95, 98, 2000 - My most familiar OS growing up.  I group these due to similarity, for my use.  Of these, I take strong preference to 98.
Windows ME - /fail.  That is all.
RedHat 9 - My introduction to Linux.  I spent an entire day downloading this when I got it, due to internet speed limitations.  (Read: slowdem [my personal term for a dial-up modem])
Ubuntu - A smaller install of Linux, and pretty user-friendly, I'd say.  I'd recommend this to new Linux users.
Red Hat Fedora Core 5 - The latest install of linux I've used.  I still have the discs in my CD case.
Windows XP - The best, in my opinion, of the "modern" Windows operating systems.

(Note: since getting a mac, I've also been subjected to Vista and Windows 7.  I really don't care for either, however.)
As you can see, I'm not really "new" to operating systems, so a different operating system wasn't a huge surprise to me.  When I got my first mac (a MacBook Pro Core 2 Duo, which I used for about three years before replacing) it was so many things I wanted, save for gaming capability (I am a gamer, after all.)  However, I could get Neverwinter Nights, Diablo II, and StarCraft on it, so it was passable.  Battery-wise, I came to love it's capabilities.  My previous laptops would last at most an hour and a half on games...this one lasted for 2-3 hours before I even thought about plugging it in.

When Apple released the Boot Camp beta, I was instantly attached to it.  All of a sudden, my laptop did EVERYTHING I wanted it to, and fairly smoothly, at that.  In fact, the only issue I had was rebooting for games.  A few tweaks to the install of Windows that I'd tossed on the dualboot, and this didn't bother me either.

Eventually, I got a second mac, which I still use.  This one's not a laptop, but rather, a Mac Mini.  I got it shortly after the Apple TV was released, largely because I cannot justify $300 for a device that only does TV and Music (or, at least, that's all the original did.  I'm not sure about the current model.)  For a bit more, I attached the mini to my TV, finding it capable of doing everything I liked about the Apple TV, plus serving as a lazy-mode (read: bedside, if desired) web browser, videogame machine (granted, only simple games due to the limitation of an integrated video card), calendar, and a bunch of other useful stuff.  This mac, except for the fairly high cost (I mean, consider it had no mouse, keyboard, or display of it's own for the cost)...is something I'm glad I got, and will probably get at least a few more years worth of use out of.

Finally, I got my current laptop...almost a year ago.  Excited about the capabilities of my previous machines, I expected greatness.  It performed as such on several aspects.  Better gaming than my prior computers, for games it could play.  Better graphics.  Then...slightly lower battery life.  Down to 1.5-2 hours...strike one, but not a huge deal to me.  Then, lockups in some games, such as WoW.  (I'm talking full system lockups.)  Strike two.  I went to the Apple store, and they showed me how to reset the PRAM and NVRAM.  After this, the issue went away.  Eventually, however, I wanted more than mac games, so I installed a dualboot of Windows Vista, since I lost my CD for Windows XP, and really don't feel like paying Microsoft $100 for a new one.  (My previous one only cost me $10, due to a discount at the school bookstore.  However, it's licensed so that you can only buy one CD of each OS over the course of your entire degree education.  Fortunately, XP and Vista being different OSs meant that I could get a copy of Vista for $10).

And here comes the reason I hate my mac, while still loving it for all of the above.  In general, it still runs Windows BETTER than any other computer I've owned.  (In fact, I think I've seen two computers out-do this one in running Vista, and both of them were both desktops and custom built.  So my premade isn't doing so bad on the lineup.)  However, my issue is fans.

It goes down to the subsystem of the computer.  Right above the firmware, to be specific.  Except for my macs, every computer I've used before has used BIOS (Basic Input/Output System) for such.  It's simple, but gets the job done.  In fact, I think it's safe to say that pretty much all Windows PCs still operate on BIOS.  Macs, however, use Intel's EFI (Extensible Firmware Interface).  There are plenty of arguments as to why EFI is better than BIOS, but to me, simply put, they're BS.

So, the reason I hate my Mac is the x86 version of Vista's lack of compatibility with EFI.  Specifically, fan control.  Vista cannot turn up the fans on my laptop when needed.  So, if I just boot into Windows and play a graphically intensive game (read: Borderlands, WoW, NWN2, Titan Quest, Oblivion, etc.) ... the computer locks up and crashes.  (This is better than frying my hardware, but we're talking this happens within 5-10 minutes.)

Don't get me wrong, I can still play my games, through a workaround I've found.  I downloaded SMC Fan Control on the Mac boot of my hardware.  When I want to play games, I can force the fan speed up to a suitable level to keep my laptop cooled, then soft-boot into the Windows OS.  This holds until the computer either (a) goes to sleep or (b) is shut down.  It's annoying, though.  The point, however, is that I shouldn't have to.  Apple, you DESIGNED these computers, and you CREATED Boot Camp.  Fix your software so it can properly interface with your subsystem of choice.

So there it is.  Why I love my mac, and why I hate it at the same time.

I've always been one to enjoy a good game. Growing up, I had a particular love for the Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda series. In fact, I would list the following as my favorite games of all time:


This game, to me, is the staple of what Final Fantasy game should be. I know most people will likely argue the case for FF7, but, to me, FF8 was a billion times better. I loved the junctioning system. I loved the character development, and yes, I even liked the main character, despite any hate he may receive.


Another favorite of mine is LttP. It's not my first Zelda game, but neither is the original. In fact, my first Zelda game was Link's Awakening. (That'd be the one for the Game Boy.) Once I got my hands on this one, however, Link's Awakening just faded into the back row.

Naturally, as I got older, my gaming interests evolved a little bit. I grew an interest in the RTS genre, centered on the greatest RTS game I've seen to date:


My personal preference, however, began to lie more in tune with the RPG genre, and games such as Diablo and NeverWinter Nights caught my interest. This, of course, only led to an interest in the one true form of electronic crack:


Anyhow, continuing along: another genre soon found interest in my eyes...the FPS genre. I think my first FPS was still Wolfenstein 3D, as is the case for many my age, but my first truly remembered one was MoH: Frontline. Follow that with Halo, Call of Duty, Unreal, Quake, etc...and we've finally arrived at my latest addiction:


That's a screenshot from Borderlands, a game that calls itself the first of the "RPS" genre, or Role-Playing Shooter. Combining several of my gaming loves in the past (leveling and loot from Diablo, talents from WoW, shooting from MoH)...it's a natural addiction for me.

(And yes, I know, I'm a dork. Get used to it.)

Once upon a time
I would believe in love
I would believe in God
In Someone up above
Watching over me
Yes, watching over you
I used to have such faith
Faith that was so true

Once upon a time
My dreams reached for the stars
My dreams seemed so real
Now they seem so far
Far away from me
No longer feel so true
Once again betrayed
I guess that's nothing new

Once upon a time
You called me everything
Pressed me to hold on
Led my muse to sing
You filled my ears with lies
And so my poor heart tried
But now my eyes are open
I see you only lied

(Note: No flame wars.  Not at me, not at any who read/comment.  Thank you.)

So, my search of faith continues, and I've found myself reading up on something else I've never truly studied before: Satanism.  Quite frankly, I'm finding myself shocked, once again.  Not in a bad way, either.  Don't get me wrong...I don't fully subscribe to Satanism...but I have noticed some interesting things that I do agree with very strongly.  Without further ado, the nine Satanic sins (and what I got from reading about them)

1. StupidityI think this one's HUGE.  To do anything without thinking it through limits oneself.  I can say this from plenty of stupid things I've done myself, as well as what I've seen in others.  It's said that knowledge is power, and to be stupid is to lack knowledge...to lack power.

2. PretentiousnessThis one should be obvious, and, quite frankly, ties in with #1.  To be pretentious is to think more of yourself than you are.  To overestimate yourself.  It's stupid.

3. SolipsismThis is probably the first where I disagree, simply because of my personal morals as a person.  Basically, it says "do unto others as they have done unto you."  Hey, I never said that you'd get 100% good advice from whatever I'd list.

4. Self-DeceitThis strongly ties in with #1 and #2, as it is contained within #1, and #2 is contained within this.  However, it also means not to think less of yourself than you are, or to trick yourself into thinking things are what they are not.

5. Herd ConformityThis one, again, is HUGE to me.  Be who you ARE, not who the crowd is.  I don't care if it's your friends, your church, or classmates, your co-workers, or your dog.  Just because they say XYZ is the way to be doesn't mean that's true to you.  Be true to yourself.  This ties in with #4, by the way.

6. Lack of PerspectiveThis one rings bells like you'd never believe.  How often does it seem you can see two people arguing without so much as THINKING about what the other is saying?  I mean...for once, an actual search for truth and answers would be far better than trying to prove the other person wrong.

7. Forgetful of Past OrthodoxiesSince this isn't meant to apply just to religion, but to general application, I'm going to look at this from another angle: forgetting your past mistakes.  It really kills the point of making the mistake the first time if you don't learn from it, no?

8. Counterproductive PrideQuoting About.com's alternative religion, "If it works, use it."  Quite simply put...don't be too proud to use your abilities to get where you're going.  Mind you, this isn't saying to be false to yourself, but to be who you ARE, not who you feel people think you "ought to be."

9. Lack of AestheticsBeauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder.  Learn what is beautiful to you, and seek after it.


So, that's it for today on Satanism.  Again, not what I thought it was...and I'm pleasantly surprised.  I don't think it's the fit for me...but I bet I have more to learn.